Going long distance? There are sex toys for that! We’ve all heard it, but…how good are they really? Can you really control your partner’s toy from your phone? Is it sexy? Is it fun? My first foray into the world of teledildonics (AKA long distance sex toy play) was about three years ago, with a Satisfyer butt plug, dodgy Malaysian hotel Wi-Fi, and a connection that kept dropping out so my boyfriend kept losing connection to my toy. Which was more frustrating than fun. But was that the Bluetooth, the app, the Wi-Fi or just the reality of long distance play? Well, it was time to find out.
The long distance head to head challenge
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Every brand says their app is the best. Stay connected, let your lover feel your movements, vibrate to music, sync to a spicy movie. But to really find out if they lived up to their claims I picked three brands to go head-to-head. There was my trusty, budget friendly Satisfyer, the luxury, high powered Lelo, and the brand all the cam girls swear by: Lovense.
I did this for a few reasons. I wanted to know if a more affordable offering was just as good as a luxury toy. I also wanted to know if my go-to premium brand – that’s Lelo – was as good long distance as it was in person. Finally, I wanted to see how well Lovense did, especially since they’re one of the only brands advertising the ability to control your partner’s toy with yours.
Now all I had to do was get my partner on board.
Setting up for enhanced phone sex
“So… can we try phone sex this week? I have to review some long distance sex toys. For work.”
Sure, ‘have to’ might have been a stretch, but you know. Anyway, I handed him the Max 2 and set about charging up all my toys and downloading and installing all three apps. Then, one Thursday night, I lit some candles, turned up the heater – it’s been a cold winter – and got comfy. Then I called him.
We’d decided to go with the Satisfyer first, then the Lelo. We kept the Lovense toys for last as they were the only brand with toy sync. The Satisfyer and Lelo were strictly one way control.
The Satisfyer Connect app
Loading up the Satisfyer Connect app was remarkably easy. I was able to log in again despite not having used it for three years. It remembered my toy. And the controls still worked. Unlike the last time, the Wi-Fi was mostly good too, although my boyfriend said his sometimes dropped out when he was in his bedroom. More on that later though.
For a brand with relatively budget friendly toys, I was pretty happy with Satisfyer’s long distance app. Finding each other was easy. We could control each other’s toys. Text and video chat were built in too. We could call, see each other, and play with the toys at the same time. We were limited by the real estate on our phone screens, but that’s to be expected.
One thing I really liked was the ability to create a custom pattern loop. You wiggle your fingers to create a pattern, and let it loop. Your partner’s toy then just cycles that custom loop while you enjoy them moaning as you talk dirty to them. Honestly, the app still held up for long-distance play three years later. I’d just never needed it again.
The Lelo app
Lelo is a luxury brand with prices to match, very strong motors, and some of my – and my partner’s – favourite toys. Of those favourites, the Hugo 2 prostate massager does come in an app controlled variety. Which we do have. We just prefer the remote controlled version when we’re together as it’s less cumbersome. But for long distance play? Let’s see.
The data conundrum
The first thing we noticed about the Lelo app was that… it didn’t work for my partner. Despite him downloading it just before trying to use it, his was the wrong version. We then spent a frustrating, very non-sexy ten minutes troubleshooting and ultimately reinstalling the app. The second thing we noticed was Lelo demanding we create accounts. With our actual emails. Which is a huge red flag for me.
To be clear, I don’t think Lelo is out to sell your data, but it does mean you’re more exposed if they ever got targeted by cybercriminals. How much that’s a concern is really up to you, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it. I also really don’t get why they need your email to use their app when Satisfyer didn’t. And to even access their long distance Love Bridge feature, you had to let them send you notifications.
As someone who really hates notification spam, that was enough for me to never want to ever use the Lelo app again, but in the name of journalism, we gave the app notification permissions. For now.
Using the Lelo app
The Lelo app works for long distance play. It does the motor control thing, and lets you open a chatroom with specific partners. But it doesn’t have video call capabilities. Also, we got confused by Lelo’s SenseMotion technology. You know, the one where you move the remote around and it changes the vibrations of your toy? When you’re in person, you can usually work out roughly what you’re doing. Waving your phone around and not seeing or hearing your partner’s toy though? That was just confusing. It’s possible that might get better with familiarity, but it really feels like the app works better in person. Assuming you want to hold your phone during sex. If you don’t, the remote control version is right there.
Eventually, we both got more frustrated than turned on, ditched the toy and app and moved on.
But we both removed notification permissions from the Lelo App before doing so.
Going long distance with Lovense
I was really excited to try the Lovense toys because I’d never used one before. I knew they were premium toys with a price that matched Lelo. And they’re said to be the best for long distance play. Uniquely, they have toys that control each other. Not all of them, and not always both ways, but the Max 2 Masturbator is advertised as being able to control other toys as well as being controlled itself. Lovense kindly gave us both a Max 2 and an Edge 2 Prostate Massager to pair it with.
Are Lovense toys good?
As solo toys? Yes. Lovense sex toys are well made, ergonomically designed and have a silicone quality that rivals Lelo’s. Same with their motors. I’m on record saying Lelo has some of the strongest motors in the industry. Lovense is right up there too.
One thing I really like is that the Edge 2 has a more pronounced internal flare on its massager head. This means it’s less likely to slip out than the Hugo if you’re a seasoned bottom with a girthy boyfriend.
The Max 2 is…very good at getting you off. My partner has since laid claim to that one, and it gets him off in about three minutes unless he very deliberately edges with it. One thing he did mention was opening the suction vent during clean up and having the lube and come inside the masturbator all splash out through it onto the floor, so be careful. Thankfully he was on tiles.
The Lovense app experience
We’d briefly tested the Max and Edge together the week before to make sure the app was working on our phones. We hadn’t tried long distance with them though. Until now. We just had to log in again.
Cue another 15 minutes of me panicking because Lovense would not let me log in with the username and password I’d previously created. Because I wanted to not use any of my Google accounts for this.
When we did eventually get things working – somehow – the remote controls worked well. There was the familiar screen to wiggle your fingers on and control your partner’s toys, and they had a built-in chat and video function. What surprised us was that using the video function stopped the remote function and we didn’t know why. It’s possible that Lovense expects you to have a separate video device if you’re investing in long distance play and want to see each other. But video chat ending toy control feels like a bug.
Still, it was fun, and the toys were good, so it was time to try Lovense’s toy sync.
Lovense toy sync
I have to say up front that the Lovense toy sync probably wasn’t developed with gay couples in mind. The flagship products for toy sync are the Max 2 and the Nora rabbit vibe. So, our experience may not be indicative of what you’d experience as an opposite sex couple.
And it was really intense. Turning on toy sync and letting the Max control the Edge turned the Edge’s intensity up to maximum. And it stayed there, vibrating at the highest intensity with my partner’s thrusts into the masturbator. No variation, just super intense buzzing. So sure, it worked. It just… wasn’t very comfortable and didn’t feel particularly connected as a joint sexual experience. In the end, we opted to turn off the sync and just enjoyed controlling each other’s toys as we orgasmed. There’s something really hot about using a toy that isn’t on a predictable pattern and can change at any time. Other than hearing his voice, that was the hottest part of the entire experience. And if you’re really doing long distance, it’s one of the most interactive things you get to do with your partner.
The missing We-Vibe
For everyone who’s been wondering why We-Vibe wasn’t tested here – it’s because they have a grand total of one toy suitable for a long distance gay male relationship. And while the Vector Plus might be good, the impression my partner and I get from the brand is that they’re very much focused on heterosexual pleasure. And we don’t see the point in testing a toy from a company where we’re an afterthought. That’s not saying we expect We-Vibe to pivot to include us – they have a focus and that’s fine. Really.
I just don’t see the point in testing a product that’s not representative of their range on a couple that’s not representative of their target audience. That’s not really a helpful for most of you reading this. Maybe another writer can put their hand up and tackle that in the future.
The one caveat
No matter what toys you buy and which app you connect to, you need strong Wi-Fi and Bluetooth signals for long distance play with any of these toys. The one time my partner’s Wi-Fi connection dropped, we lost toy control and had to reset that. Needing Bluetooth connectivity also means you can’t use the toys in the bath, even if they’re fully waterproof (that’s IPX7 if you want the rating). Not a huge deal, but depending on where you are or are going to be in the world, that may change your expectations.
What’s the best long distance app?
Out of the three brands I tried, I’d say Satisfyer is the most complete long distance app. That said Lovense has the most enjoyable products for long distance play. Lelo comes in third with an app that feels more like a remote control substitute to use in person. And in that case I’d prefer to have the remote control.
In terms of privacy, Satisfyer is by far the best. And when it comes to other features – it’s a mixed bag. Satisfyer has a free library of user created patterns, and it looks like users are using it to find others to play with. They also have erotic stories for solo pleasure.
Lovense has the pattern library, a message board, AI companions to play with, and an anonymous roulette where you can hand control to a complete stranger. Or take control of their toy. They also let you post a control link and let anyone control your toy one way.
Lelo has a mixed feed of erotic stories and their general blog. Yes, I’m underwhelmed.
In terms of the overall best app experience, I’d hand that crown to Lovense, with Satisfyer coming in a solid second. Unfortunately, the privacy and notification concerns mean I’m not opening the Lelo app again. I’ll just stick to my remote controlled Lelos instead.
Are long distance toys worth it?
If you’re in a long distance relationship, app compatible sex toys are definitely worth it. The nice thing about them is that much of the time, they’re not much more expensive than their offline counterparts. And while there are a lot of different bells and whistles in every app, they all work to give you control of your partner’s toy and vice versa. If that’s all you need, then the best app is the one for the toy you already own and enjoy using.
If you’re looking for my personal recommendation for a new toy, go the Lovense if you can afford it, and a Satisfyer if you can’t. Just know the Lovense toy sync may not give you the fantasy experience you have in your head. You need to be okay just enjoying the long distance remote control option. AI companions and casual fun with randoms from a long distance app sound hot, but I’m not personally buying a toy for that. To be fair, I’m also not buying toys for long distance play right now either. But it’s good to know that I have options if I ever need to.
