“Why is touching ourselves still such a touchy subject?”
I often make recommendations in session that can lead to some clients to blush, giggle, look away, and some who want to know more. And my number one recommendation? Masturbation.
Masturbation isn’t just about rubbing one out for a quick release. Yes, that’s an absolutely fabulous option, but it isn’t the only option. Masturbation can be about deepening the relationship with your body, body confidence, and understanding how you receive pleasure. And it’s one of my favourite and most foundational tools in my therapeutic toolkit.
So let me, a trained Sexologist, write you a cheeky prescription for one: You.
The comfort of your own touch
In this article:
“When was the last time you touched your own body in a way that wasn’t critical?” I ask my clients this all the time.
Masturbation is an opportunity to reclaim touch as something positive, healing, and pleasurable. It’s your chance to build a relationship with your own body that isn’t about judgment, but rather about what feels good.
If you’ve experienced obstacles with body confidence interfering with sex, then masturbation can help you to reframe sexual touch and pleasure as something that can happen in a controlled and safe container without additional stress, or need to perform.
Think of it as body acceptance in action:
- When you explore your body, you learn that every part has the potential for pleasure.
- You become familiar with the different ways your body likes to receive touch.
- You create a sense of comfort and trust with yourself.
The power of permission
A common theme I see within my work as a Sexologist is the prevalence of shame and how often people feel disconnected from their body.
“I feel guilty afterward.”
“I’ve never been able to relax and enjoy it.”
“I’ve always been told it’s something you do with your partner.”
These sorts of comments reflect our own learnings that pleasure is something to hide, fear or avoid all together. If we believe sexual touch comes with these icky feelings than it is often easier to simply disconnect from our body and its desires.
Masturbation is a way of taking back that power. It’s saying, “This is my body, and I deserve to feel good in it.” Giving yourself permission to touch your body, and think erotic thoughts is one way to challenge shame. The act of masturbation will challenge the belief that pleasure isn’t allowed and should be avoided.
Having a consistent masturbation practice can teach you to view sexual touch and pleasure as an experience separate to pleasing another person. If you’ve had a history of sexual experiences empty of genuine pleasure, and felt that you were simply present to meet another person’s sexual expectations, you need to prioritise your own practice.
If you’ve ever struggled with guilt around masturbation, consider this your official permission slip: Your pleasure is yours to explore.
Masturbation primes your body for deeper orgasms
Sometimes my clients already know how to have an orgasm, but they want to explore different ways of masturbating or experience more intense pleasure. They “want what she’s having”. These clients will express they want to achieve the quintessential breath-stealing climax that leaves you gasping. But what if I told you that the secret to a truly mind-blowing orgasm isn’t just about the racing toward the finish line?
In a world where everything is on fast-forward, its no surprise many of us approach pleasure in the same way. We want to touch, thrust, cum and done. As time efficient as this is, your body and mind need you to slow down. Priming your body for pleasure is ensuring there is a solid groundwork for a delicious and deep experience. It’s like a warm-up at the beginning of your gym workout to ensure you set yourself up to achieve great results. And we can’t warm our body up if its feeling rushed and not safe and taken care of.
Setting aside the time to prime your body provides the needed time to:
- Awaken your nerve endings and increase blood flow to the penis and vulva
- Invites your mind to gradually build interest to arousal, and intensity orgasms
- With a slow and intentional start, you are more likely to remain connected to your body and good sensations without racing to the finish line
Masturbation: the ultimate chillout tool
You’ve heard of stress eating and doom scrolling, but have you tried stress-masturbating?
I see clients who aren’t just discussing sexual issues, but also the aspects of life which intersect with sexual wellness. And stress is a constant impact on my client’s sex lives. Whether that’s from work, health, family, or finances. And masturbation is a quick and free way to stress-bust, reduce tension and increase your feel-good chemicals. When we masturbate the following chemicals are released:
- Dopamine: The pleasure chemical that boosts your mood.
- Oxytocin: The “love hormone” that creates feelings of connection and relaxation.
- Endorphins: Natural painkillers that leave you feeling blissed out.
And you don’t have to reach orgasm to get these benefits. Even gentle self-touch can give you a sense of calm and comfort. This is why I sometimes recommend masturbation as part of a stress-management routine for clients who struggle with anxiety, overwhelm, or even insomnia.
Isn’t masturbation only for single people?
I hear this all the time, and it couldn’t be further from the truth. My hot take? Masturbation can be one of the best things for your relationship.
Why? Because when you know how to pleasure yourself, you bring that confidence and knowledge into partnered sex. Masturbation is also an accessible and “entry level” way to recommence sexual experiences in a safe and contained way if you’re looking to rekindle some desire. When you are feeling safe and know of what you like, you’re empowered you to introduce more things or amp up the pleasure in your relationship.
A masturbation practice can assist with:
- Clearly communicating your desires without feeling shy or embarrassed.
- Guide your partner to touch you the way you love.
- Discover new ways to experience pleasure together, inspired by what you’ve learned solo.
And here’s the best part: A partner who truly cares about your pleasure will be thrilled that you know what you like.
Take this prescription as needed. No expiry date, unlimited refills. And if you need any further recommendations, well, you know where to find me.
