Self-Pleasure as Self Care: A Tantric Guide

Ok, ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk self-pleasure as self-care.

As a Tantric practitioner who teaches my very own brand of ‘Pleasure Power’, I relish teaching people self-care rituals that can really amplify pleasure as they nourish and nurture the self. 

I teach my students how to enjoy the many different types of Tantric orgasm available to them, and with the right practice, you can learn how to achieve Tantric orgasm too. 

Read on for a few self-pleasure ideas to get you started on your journey.

Self-care rituals are essential for mental and sexual wellbeing.
Self-care rituals are essential for mental and sexual wellbeing.

But firstly…what stops us experiencing pleasure?

The biggest block to pleasure…is life itself! Life is stressful.

Modern-day society is fast-paced and confusing. Add to that the constant bombardment of stress on our nerves, and let’s face it…our nervous systems are overwhelmed!

We’re stuck in fight or flight mode most of the time, and that’s not a very sexy place to be!

The nervous system is wired to go into fight or flight automatically.

But to come back into your parasympathetic nervous system (the ‘rest and digest’ part of us that feels safe and gives us the energy to put into being sexual, sensual, wanting to connect, feeling desire for intimacy, and being passionate) is not automatic.

We must give ourselves permission to make the time to wind down, explore and enjoy.

So, it becomes OUR job to practice self-care rituals so that we can reassure the brain and body that we’re safe, and we can tap back into that sexy and sensual part of ourselves. We’re then able to contribute to ourselves and the world around us from a much more peaceful, calm, relaxed and orgasmic state of being.

We need to understand that self-care and self-pleasure are one and the same and are our responsibility!

Find the self-care ritual that works for you.
Find the self-care ritual that works for you.

How can we use self-pleasure rituals to promote greater self-care?

Did you know that orgasm is a natural stress reliever? It activates all the loving and feel-good hormones in the brain and body.

Did you also know that Tantric orgasm means you can implode rather than explode with orgasmic energy to feel even more nourished and replenished?

Types of orgasms 

Let’s take a quick look at the types of orgasms we can experience.

Most of us know all about the explosive orgasm. The ejaculation for penis owners, and the clitoral stimulated orgasm for vulva owners.

Most of us know all about the explosive orgasm. The ejaculation for penis owners, and the clitoral stimulated orgasm for vulva owners. These orgasms are perfectly natural, but they can deplete us instead of feeding us with our life force energy.

In Tantra, we learn how to channel and move that energy back inside of us to experience a multitude of other orgasmic flavours and sensations! This can be referred to as a Tantric orgasm, also known as N.E.O (non-ejaculatory orgasmic Tantra) or the Energetic Orgasm!

We achieve this type of orgasm by squeezing in the pelvic floor muscle (a.k.a our ‘love pump’) on the inhale just as we’re getting close to orgasm (say, 3.5 on the scale of pleasure if 5 is “I’m climaxing”) to draw the sexual energy away from the genitals and towards the heart. 

When we learn to implode with sexual energy, we can experience a whole new array of orgasmic delights! Did you know you can have a nipple-gasm, an ear-gasm, a womb-gasm, and even a full body orgasm?! And the list goes on!

Want to explore your understanding of Tantra and how we do it?  

Let’s start with some basic principles and practices to get you going on your self-pleasure as self-care journey.

The 4 core principles of Tantra

The 4 core principles of Tantra can support us when it comes to telling the body it’s safe to relax and time to get into a sexy state of mind and body:

1. Intention & Presence

 It’s essential before partaking in any self-pleasure as self-care practice that we have a clear intention that this is a loving act to nourish and cherish yourself. Then we can be present for all the sensations we begin to experience.

2. Breath 

Breath is your number one tool in activating the parasympathetic nervous system. Breathe slow and deep. Connect consciously to your breath. Notice if you stop breathing.

3. Sound 

Sound is the gateway to pleasure! Notice what happens when you play with making sounds, notice the vibration in your body.

4. Movement

Allow the body to move and be moved by the energy that you generate in your pleasure.

Play with this and amplify all your sexual experiences using these four core principles of the Tantric Opening Practice.

How to set the scene for self-pleasure

Create a sacred space 

This is essential to a Tantric experience. Light some candles, incense, or anything that can enhance the aromas in the room. Create an extraordinary world. This practice will help your mind know that it’s safe to let go and stay in the present moment focusing on the sensations and feelings moving through the body.

Select your toy

There are no rules here but do be present and mindful with your use and ensure that you have read all instructions. Using the right lube for toys is also essential to safe practice and play. Water-based lubricant is safe to use with toys and always your safest bet – another upside: it won’t stain the sheets!

Self-pleasure ideas

Here are a few ideas to inspire your self-pleasure practice. 

1. An orgasmic bubble bath

This is an absolutely essential and luxurious way to de-stress and unplug from the day. Embrace the exquisite pleasure of being submerged in water, while feeling all the sensations on your body. Toys can help enhance the experience.

Always ensure you use a waterproof toy when enjoying a session in water – remember there is a difference between waterproof and water-resistant! 

2. Sensual body massage (solo or together)

Allowing ourselves to fully surrender into the vibration of touch is a powerful practice. Bringing your full attention to what you can feel allows you to come out of your head and reconnect with the body. This is powerful for both the giver and receiver. 

Why not take turns in helping each other to unwind using a massager and asking yourself or your partner what it is you deeply desire? Give them loving feedback. For example, “I desire you to massage my feet” (and remember to always say thank you!).

Use your sounds to direct them – or simply say, “I desire you to use lighter touch” or “slowww touch”. 

3. Sexy dance!

Put something on that makes you feel like the sexy, sensual Goddess or God that you are and dance around your boudoir! Have fun with it and play with a sexy outfit or lingerie. Give yourself permission!

Watch yourself in the mirror (I dare you!) and connect to that inner sexual essence. Be present with yourself. Intend to see yourself through the eyes of love with no judgment.

This is such a nourishing and liberating thing to do. It allows you to tap back into your playful side as you dance your cares away. 

Tip: ensure you use your breath, sound and movement here and notice the difference it makes! 

4. Define ME-time!

This is a process where you can get really creative – be a curious explorer!

Ask yourself: what would you love to give yourself that you’ve never received before? What would you love to explore?

There’s an incredible smorgasbord of delicious and tantalising toys out there: all shapes, sizes, and textures. Find what works for you and your body!

Toys can help enhance the experience.
Toys can help enhance the experience.

A few toy recommendations

The anus, as well as the prostate, can hold so much tension and stress. If you’re feeling…cheeky… and want to explore the anus (and prostate if you have one), here are a few of my favourite anal toys.

If you have a prostate, I highly recommend a warming prostate vibrator. Nothing says relaxation like a warming vibe! Remember to try out the N.E.O. by squeezing your love pump (pelvic floor muscle) just before ejaculation, and always check product measurements prior to purchase to ensure you’re comfortable with size. 

I also love, love, love glass sex toys. Glass is both beautiful and great for wherever you are on your cheeky journey. You can play with temperature and they come in a range of sizes perfect for a newbie or a seasoned size queen. 

Hold the intention to release all that stuck ‘base energy’ – things like fear, guilt and shame accumulate there. Let it go on your breath as you breathe into love, nourishment, and joy! 

A final note…

These are just a few self-pleasure as self-care tips and toys you might wish to try – but, remember…self-pleasure IS self-care, and it’s your responsibility to access it, no one else’s.

Go forth and play!