How to introduce anal play into your relationship

A couple lie together on a bed in an embrace

Perhaps the most important thing for anal beginners in a relationship is communication. Just because you really want to bust into bum sex doesn’t mean your partner is automatically down with that. Consent needs to be more than giving in to nagging or feeling an obligation, too – it’s about trust and respect. 

That said, perhaps you’re not desperate to try it yourself but are motivated more by giving your partner pleasure. That’s ok, too. It’s all ok if the lines of communication are open and you’re expressing to each other how you feel, honestly and sincerely.

So if you or your partner are keen to explore anal play, here are some pointers to keep in mind.

Do your research first

If you’re feeling a little squeamish at bringing up the topic with your partner, educate yourself on the topic first. Reading this article is a great first step towards that. Do your research, find out how it all works and even try touching yourself back there first, to see what makes you feel good.

Speak openly about it with your partner

The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with anal sex. If you’re going solo at first, this is easy because you can run your own race. However, if you’re trying it with a partner, like most things in relationships, communication is key.

Sit down and have an open and candid conversation about it to work out if you feel comfortable, and whether it’s something you want to try. Easing into it and knowing what to expect will make the experience a lot better for everyone. 

If you’ve taken the time to educate yourself and experiment, then when you do have the conversation with your partner, you know what you are talking about, can bring them up to speed, and then explore further together. Like anything new in the bedroom, this is a great opportunity to build your relationship with your partner AND have some fun too. Perfect for getting closer to your special someone.

But communication doesn’t end there. Talking about anal sex before you get into it is very important when preparing for anal. But it’s as important to make sure you’re keeping up the talk during the act as well. You should be making sure you’re both comfortable throughout and letting each other know if something does or doesn’t feel good. And remember, consent can be withdrawn at any time, so if you or your partner aren’t feeling it, it’s okay to stop.

After the act, keep up the communication too. Make sure to check in on yourself and your partner, talk about the experience and decide together if it’s something you want to explore again.

Plan the experience together

Plan the experience, much like a date. Know that it’s coming, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Work up to it and just have fun experimenting and playing with each other’s bodies. If it doesn’t feel right or comfortable, stop, and plan to try again another time. Have an agreement in place beforehand for how far you want to go.

Take it slow

The aim is to make the experience as pleasurable as possible, so don’t try to do everything at once or go hard and fast from the outset. Take it slow and start small. Baby steps is the key. A good way to start is to have a shower. Then not only will you be clean, but it’s a great opportunity to feel out areas of your bodies in a relaxing environment. 

If you’re up for the challenge, and once you’ve (preferably both) tried some solo experimentation, you can start by giving or receiving anal stimulation with each other. Begin with massage and inserting fingers and move up to using toys if that feels right. There are plenty of toys that are designed specifically for couples, too.

And remember, anal can be romantic

Number one rule for anal beginners – forget pretty much everything you’ve seen from porn. Your first anal experience as a couple should be slow, gentle and yes, even romantic. Ideally, make a date for B-day in advance. This gives your sexiest organ, your brain, plenty of time to get excited in anticipation. 

Begin like any sexy time with your partner, with kissing, holding, talking and foreplay – whatever you know turns each other on. Massage is a great way to get started, particularly around the thighs and buttocks. 

Make your surroundings sexy too, so think about lighting, some sweet tunes, candles and incense, if that floats your boat. Lock the door and make sure you won’t be disturbed. Think about covering your love-making area with something low-key and washable, too. Although unlikely if you’ve followed your preparation steps, poop is poop and the last thing you want to be doing is worrying about staining your best bedspread.