I learnt to kiss off a Swedish exchange guy in a transit stairwell. It was a good spot because almost nobody parked on the top floor, and we had plenty of notice as we’d hear the emergency exit door opening and closing if anyone was on their way to interrupt our make out session. He was keen on food play, and we swapped chocolate balls as we kissed. But while he was a good kisser he turned out to be a dud and to this day I can’t even with chocolate balls. The thing about kissing is it’s an easy technique to learn with some practice and handy tips. So if your kissing has become a little routine or you’ve never had anyone give you some advice – I’m here to help you add some smooch back into your love life.
Why do we like kissing?
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Your lips are erogenous zones. These are sensitive areas of your body that can be stimulated for sexual pleasure – and the sheer number of nerve endings in them makes stimulating them – say by kissing – incredibly pleasurable. Socially, kissing is a way to show love for your partner. It’s an act that can be sexual or appreciative, and for many people it’s an important part of foreplay and getting ready for sexual intercourse. The way your partner kisses is a good indication of how you feel about each other. When I lived in England, my boyfriend would make me cups of tea with vegemite on toast. I would be watching the telly on the couch, and he’d pass me breakfast behind me from the little kitchenette. Then he would stand behind the couch. I’d thank him and then he’d give me an upside-down kiss from above.
Now we use kissing as a way of saying thanks, I appreciate you. We use kissing to say I love you. If we have argued, then I can tell if he’s still mad by his body language and refusal to kiss me. Although, there is nothing better than saying sorry and kissing and making up.
Are there health benefits to kissing?
Yes kissing does have health benefits! During a kiss, you body releases chemicals including oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. These can make you feel euphoric and encourage feelings of affection and bonding. Kissing also lowers your stress hormone, cortisol. When you body is stimulated positively, it also releases happy hormones called endorphins. Your blood will flow to your sexual organs, and you will feel mentally turned on.
Tips for being a better kisser
The good news is that kissing is a skill, so it’s definitely possible to be a better kisser to start off, think about varying how you kiss. A few options for you to consider are:
- Forehead kiss – a light peck on your partner’s forehead
- Angel kiss – a light peck under each eye
- Butterfly – hovering near your partner and batting your eyelids over their skin
- French kiss – kissing with tongue
- Upside-down kiss – kissing someone sitting from behind the chair
What do you do with your tongue?
Using your tongue during kissing is great because you have an amazing number of nerve endings there too – and pleasurably stimulating those has all the benefits I’ve already talked about. You may want to try using your tongue to explore the other person’s mouth – try subtly running it along the teeth. Then touch their tongue. Swirl their tongue and flick it. Trace their lips. Retreat and mix it up.
Like many things when it comes to sex, it’s all about personal preferences. Ask for feedback, or keep your senses open for non-verbal feedback. Listen to any changes in their breath and hand gestures. If they’re doing something you really like, give them feedback with compliments and light hand squeezes.
Can you bite when kissing?
Some people may like to have their lips or tongue nibbled or bitten. I used to lightly bite his tongue and trap it, then he would return the playful gesture, but it’s not something we do much anymore. If it’s something you enjoy or would like to try it, have a conversation with your partner about their preferences before you do.
Does a good kisser close their eyes?
I mostly keep my eyes closed and then open them every so often to check for feedback, but you can keep your eyes open or close them. Some people may get creeped out if you have too much eye contact while kissing though. My tip to better kisser is just to avoid intense staring and do what feels natural.
Where do your hands go when you kiss?
There are no rules on where to place your hands, but if you feel awkward, try leaning closer to your partner when you kiss or stand back and hold them around their waist. You can also simply hold hands, or caress your partner around their shoulders and back, then slide your grip down to their bum. And squeeze.
Some people may like to hang their hands around the back of the person’s neck, especially if they’re shorter than their partner. Just avoid grabbing or holding someone’s neck without their prior permission. At the end of the day, being a great kisser is about being comfortable, sensual, and confident within the boundaries of what you and your partner both like, and knowing how to vary up the sensations and activities you’re doing. Hands are just another piece of the sensual puzzle.
What happens next?
You can end the make-out session by just kissing. Or you can progress by gliding your hand over other parts of your partner’s body. You can squeeze their bum or rub their back. You can caress their breasts, or lightly grab their crotch.
At this point, you may need to take some clothes off, so the kissing might become intermittent. You do not need to kiss constantly during sex. Take a break and regularly change what you are doing to keep it novel and fun. Being a good kisser does help with being better at sex, but there’s a lot more to think about as you move on to other activities.
Are there any sex toys that are good for kissing?
Not sex toys exactly. There are lip balms designed to enhance kissing that you can try – like the KissOboo Tingly Lip Balms. They use cinnamon and other herbal extracts to bring blood to the lips and make them ever so slightly plumper and fuller. And while flavoured lubes are definitely a thing, be aware that the skin on your lips is thin and sensitive, so be careful not to over do it.
On a slightly different note, if you wear lipstick you’ll find it naturally comes off with lots of kissing. If you want to avoid this, try a super stay option – a couple of burlesque performers I know all recommended the Maybelline ones when I asked. Otherwise, you can pop into the bathroom to reapply your lipstick and touch up your makeup. While it’s not traditionally considered polite to do your makeup at the dinner table, it can be an intimate ritual your partner may enjoy seeing if you’re reapplying your lippy.
How to avoid being a bad kisser
A bad kisser may use too much saliva, be overly aggressive in shoving their tongue into your mouth, or have bad breath. And doesn’t pay attention to subtle feedback. My number one tip to make sure this isn’t you is actively ask for feedback. If your partner seems uncomfortable, or you want to know if they’re open to an activity – just ask. Here’s some helpful phrases you may want to try using:
- Do you like soft kisses or harder kisses?
- Can I touch you here?
- Did you like that?
- What do you think about that?
- Can I touch your bum?
When you should avoid kissing
As fun and wonderful as kissing is, sometimes you need to not do it. Like when you or your partner has a contagious cold or flu. Or the spicy cough. Also, do not kiss anyone with a cold sore, cracked lips or mouth wound. Just wait until it has cleared up – it’ll usually only be a couple of days. You can show affection with cuddles, back rubs and kind gestures instead.
If your lips are chapped from the wind, licking them or smoking, then just use some lip balm or petroleum-free paw paw ointment to your lips. They should heal up within a day or two.
How can I avoid having bad breath?
Bad breath is caused by a build-up of bacteria in the mouth, usually because of food debris, plaque or gum disease. Make sure you brush your teeth at least twice a day and floss regularly.
Some foods such as garlic and onion can linger on your breath, which some people can find off putting. Smoking and drinking an excess of alcohol can cause your breath to smell nasty. Being on keto diet (low-carb, high fat) can also lead to ‘keto breath’ which can be an unpleasant sweet smell as your body will be producing a lot of ketones as it adapts to a new source of fuel. If you want to check your breath, try licking the back of your wrist or the back of a spoon, let it dry and then sniff it. Just be aware that it’s not foolproof though. And if you’re a habitual smoker, for example, you may just be used to the way you smell.
If you’re on a date, make sure you order something that’s not going to linger unpleasantly on your breath, stay hydrated and eat plenty of protein. My dentist also recommends gargling your mouthwash or water for 40 seconds. You may like to drink peppermint or spearmint tea, or just go for an old fashioned stick of chewing gum.
Are you ready to take your kissing to the next level?
Did you know International Kissing Day or World Kiss Day is an official holiday celebrated each year on 6 July every year?
I hope these tips and ideas will help to improve your kissing techniques and make you a better, more confident kisser! Remember that trying new moves helps to keep your relationship fresh and exciting. And don’t forget to brush your teeth!
