Sex. It’s fun, it feels good, and you’re doing it with someone you like…at least, we hope you are. But if sex has gotten a little ho-hum, it could be time to upgrade your sex life.
Sex doesn’t come with a manual – no, not even porn – and while we’d usually advise you to “just do what feels good”, we know that sex can be awkward, boring, or simply unsatisfying. It may be with a new partner, and you’re still figuring out each other’s bodies, or maybe you’re in a long-term relationship, and things are getting a little…stale.
Fortunately, there are many things you can do to take your sex life to the next level. And upgrading your sex life doesn’t need to involve massive changes either. Even little changes can make a world of difference to both your and your partner’s experience.
So whether you’re an experienced sexpert, a beginner who wants more bang in the bedroom, or just someone looking for a few new tricks, you’ve come to the right place. Here are our top eight tips for upgrading your fun in bedroom. Or as the case may be, outside of it.
1. Improve Your Sexual Stamina
Sexual stamina refers to the amount of time you can spend having sex before you need to take a break. For many people with penises, this will finish once they, well, ‘finish’. On average, that’s 3 minutes. And after ejaculation, most people need to take some time before they’re ready to go again, and everyone’s refractory period is different – ranging from minutes to hours or even days.
Stamina can also be affected by other physical and mental factors. For example, you might be too physically tired to keep going, or could experience a mental block that prevents you from wanting to continue. Or just the desire to roll over and go to sleep.
If you’re looking to boost your sexual stamina, here are some tips:
- Get plenty of (non-sexual) exercise. Sex is a form of cardiovascular exercise, so you need to make sure you’re fit and ready to go before you jump into bed.
- Make sure you’re prioritising foreplay. One of the easiest ways to make your sessions last longer is to spend more time on foreplay. This means more kissing, touching, performing oral sex, playing with toys or other activities. Taking things a bit slower will make the whole amount of time spent together longer, and it can also make penetrative sex feel better because there was a bigger build-up to it. We also recommend post sex cuddles, play and kissing. While you can’t always fight nature, arousal is one of the ways to shorten your refractory period.
- Limit the Dutch Courage. There’s nothing wrong with a glass of wine or bubbly to help get you in the mood, but too much alcohol can hurt your sexual performance. The most common problems are erectile dysfunction (AKA whiskey dick), premature ejaculation and a lower sex drive. So if you want to last longer, consider limiting yourself to just a drink or two before sex.
- Try out some pelvic floor exercises! AKA Kegels, these exercises are designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. This set of muscles sits between the tailbone and the pubic bone within your pelvis, supporting the bladder, bowel and uterus. Pelvic floor exercises will help improve the circulation of blood around your pelvic floor and genitals. This helps with arousal, which increases pleasure from penetrative sex, and can improve lubrication in people with vulvas, and orgasm control for people with penises. If you’d like to know more, check out our guide to pelvic floor exercises here.
2. Boost your libido
For those who aren’t in the loop, your libido refers to your sexual desire or your sex drive. Many different factors can affect your libido, both internal and external. These range from your hormone levels, what medication(s) you’re taking, and even your sleep patterns. It’s very common for couples to have an imbalance of libidos in their relationship, and equally, many ways of dealing with the issues.
The most obvious one is, maybe don’t? Toys and self-pleasure are viable options when your partner isn’t interested, as are other people if that’s an agreed part of your relationship, but if you think boosting your libido would help upgrade your sex life, here’s some of our best tips.
- Boost your self-confidence first. The way that you feel about yourself and your body can affect the way that you feel about sex. If you aren’t happy with how you look, it can discourage you from having and enjoying sex. While boosting self-confidence is a much bigger topic than we can cover here, even simple things like eating well and exercising regularly can have a huge effect on your self-image. And it doesn’t mean you need to drop 15kg or run a marathon to enjoy sex. Try simple things, like going for a walk, or some light yoga. You’ll be surprised how much just moving your body can help. Beyond diet and exercise, you should also make sure you’re getting enough sleep, and most importantly, try to be kind to yourself – practice positive self-talk, remind yourself that comparing yourself to others if unfair, and work at surrounding yourself with people who lift you up and make you feel good. Also, be aware that this is a long-term project that’s going to require time and dedication.
- Eat fruit. Some fruits, like bananas, avocados, and figs, are considered libido-boosting or aphrodisiacs. There’s little evidence of the effectiveness of these foods, but they’re healthy, and most of us could use more fruit in our diets, so no harm in giving them a go. Maybe you could even try incorporating some fruit-play into your foreplay!
- Reduce stress. Even the healthiest of people can lose their sex drive if they’re overly stressed. To relieve stress, try meditation, taking up a hobby, going on a holiday, or even just listening to some music in a relaxed environment. We know it’s not quite as easy as being born rich or being able to cut those people out of your life, but until we can deal with the fact that the stress might not be your fault at all, we all have to make do with the tools we have.
- It may seem counter-intuitive, but if you’re suffering from a low libido, masturbating may help you feel more in touch with your sexuality, and bring on more amorous feelings in general. It’s also good for reducing your stress so consider it part of your mental health management plan?
3. Introduce toys
Okay, we’re obviously biased here, but we think a lot of you will agree that toys can be a whole lot of fun in the bedroom. Sex toys can really be an upgrade to your sex life, and in unexpected areas you didn’t even think needed improvement.
Many women can’t orgasm through penetrative sex alone, and some have never experienced an orgasm at all. While the former is completely normal, the latter should not be the norm. Toys are a great way to level the playing field and can elevate the experience for everyone involved.
You don’t have to be a vagina owner to use sex toys either – there are so many different types of toys on the market, for all levels of sexual experience, and different types of kinks – from vibrators and dildos to bondage gear.
Using sex toys is usually thought of as a solo activity, but it’s now common for couples to use them during sex. Here is a list of some couples’ sex toys that can skyrocket the amount of fun you have in the bedroom:
Wild Secrets Thrill Vibrating Couple’s Ring
The Wild Secrets Thrill couple’s ring sits around the penis but delivers stimulation to both the owner and the partner. Crafted from soft and stretchy silicone, the toy features 20 vibration modes to explore and enjoy.
This cock ring stretches to accommodate different girths while remaining snug to sustain erections and improve stamina, and it’s elongated shape allows for targeted partner contact – providing either clitoral or perineal stimulation depending on the sex of the person being penetrated.
XOXO Bellamy Beginner’s Bondage Set
There’s something sexy and alluring about tying up your partner – or being tied up and subjected to their whims. Bondage and BDSM are increasingly going mainstream and if the idea of power exchange and restraints are something you want to try, this beginner set contains everything you need to get started, including an eye mask, flogger, and rope.
Adjustable to ensure your ideal fit, the vegan-leather collar, wrist, and ankle cuffs all feature a buckle closure and are lined with faux fur for comfort. This is the perfect way to dip your toes into a new and exciting world of pleasure and sensation – just remember to do it safely and consensually.
Lovense Lush 3 App Controlled Vibrating Bullet
Yes, this is a vibrating bullet – or egg vibrator. It’s also a couple’s vibrator for people with vulvas. The Lush 3 sits inside the vagina and stimulates the G-spot with powerful vibrations you control through your phone. Or have your partner control through theirs.
Stimulating the g-spot increases blood flow and helps people with vulvas achieve the orgasms many are missing out on. And the Lush 3 can be worn during sex. And by sex we mean penetration by fingers, toys or a penis. Frankly, everyone wins with this nifty upgrade.
4. Embrace ageing
We’re all getting older, and bluntly, new research is suggesting that baby boomers might be having the best sex of all of us. After all, “great lovers are made, not born”, as Dr Peggy Kleinplatz said.
Great lovers are made, not born – Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz
As we age, it’s common for us to become more comfortable in our own skins. This makes us more confident (see tip 1, above), and confidence leads to better sex – sex that’s more fun and more open-minded to wilder, adventurous ideas.
If this is already you, and you’re enjoying the fruits of years of sexual experience, then kudos to you. Go forth and enjoy, safe in the knowledge that you’re having the sex that younger people can only dream of – unless you’re teaching them.
If you’re a little younger, on the other hand, it might be scary thinking about ageing. But remember, with age comes experience. By the time you’re in your 40s, 50s, or even 70s or above, you’ve been around the block enough to know what you like. You know what feels good for you, and you’ve also learnt what feels good for your partner. If you’d like to get those sex life upgrades early, use your words and be open to honest communication. A large part of confidence comes from being able to ask for what you want, be willing to talk about what your partner wants, and decide to either continue or part ways depending on the outcome and being perfectly okay with either outcome!
Research shows that older people are still maintaining active sex lives, using dating apps, and turning age-related obstacles into fun and sexy learning experiences. So don’t worry about growing up and turning into a silver fox or vixen, embrace it! Because the best sex of your life can always be ahead of you!
5. Get yourselves to a hotel room
Hotel sex is tried and true. It’s a neutral spot for the two of you, and you get to escape all the regularity of your normal life, just for a night or two. This is especially true for parents trying to avoid awkward interruptions just as it’s getting good.
Getting out of your house, suburb, city or even country (time and money permitting) is a great way to upgrade your sex life just by breaking from your usual routine!
6. Get more in touch with yourself (by yourself)
Okay, we know we already mentioned this as part of boosting your libido, but masturbation really is important enough to warrant its own spot on the list. It’s a great way to get in touch with yourself, your sexuality, and what feels good to you. Getting to know your body is a huge part of what we said earlier about confidence, communication and having better sex as you get older. We do suggest experimenting with different sensation and yes, toys again, so you don’t get stuck in a rut and are only able to climax through masturbation, but in general, the better we get to know and love our bodies, the better we can love others!
7. Make time – it’s sex o’clock!
This might seem very unsexy, but scheduling some fun time with your partner is a perfectly normal and realistic thing to do. It can give you both something to look forward to, and can even help create anticipation and sexual tension so you’re both hot and heavy and ready to go by the time the big day rolls around. From a more practical sense, this will work well for those busy couples out there that struggle to find the time to get intimate. Further, if you’re into anal sex, having a plan means the receptive partner has time to clean up.
8. Lube it up
Now, this is page one of Sex 101. Always. Use. Lube! Lubricant is great for those that experience vaginal dryness but should be a go-to regardless of how wet you are. Apply lube directly to your genitals (or onto a condom if using) to heighten the experience for both of you. Use it on your toys too. And for those looking to explore anal, lube is essential. You can find our guide to anal sex here. For those who enjoy oral, flavoured lubes are a perfect, simple upgrade to your sex life in a way that will make everything much, much tastier.
All the resources you need in one place
And that’s it – our top 8 ways to upgrade your sex life. You may have noticed they all work together, and well, that’s sex isn’t it? It’s inextricably linked to everything else in our lives and taking care of yourself outside of the bedroom will often help inside as well. But hey, if you’re after even more tips, check out our blog and guides for all the information you need on just about every sex topic. Or jump straight to exploring our huge range of couples sex toys and put some of our tips into practice!
