Let’s be real for a second. Or approx. 6-7 minutes, which funnily enough, is also the average time it takes for a good vibrator to solve most of my problems. Sometimes the best sex of your life doesn’t involve another person at all. If you’ve been following my journey lately, you know I’ve been navigating the hormonal rollercoaster of perimenopause. It’s a time of life that demands a bit more “me time”, lots of self-care – define that how you will – and no, I’m not talking about kale smoothies. I’m talking a radical exploration of pleasure on my own terms.
Key words there: My. Own. Terms.
I don’t know if it’s the hormones or just my inner whores moaning and staging a coup, but once I hit 40 I decided I’d had enough! Enough trying to people please. Enough being pressured into needing to enjoy intimacy the way society or social media says I should. I’m big enough and ugly enough to know what I want, do what I want, when I want. And if I want to drop a few hundy on sex toys then dammit I will!
Or I’ll ask Wild Secrets very nicely and they might just send me some.
I needed new toys, but I didn’t just want toys; I wanted an experience. I ended up with a trio of products that have quite literally changed my Tuesday nights. And other nights. And days. Honestly, they’ve changed my whenever the heck I feel like it. We’re talking about the Melt 2 from We-Vibe, and the Sensual Arousal Gel and Cherish Rabbit Vibrator from Wild Secrets.
Let me tell you about why my inner cougar is loving these new bedside companions.
The Wild Secrets Cherish is my new best friend
In this article:
No word of a lie. When I got my goodie haul home the Cherish was the first thing I tried. It was so good that I didn’t even glance at the other items for a good fortnight.
It’s not just a vibrator. It’s a thrusting vibe. Yes thrusting! How good does that sound?
This glorious device offers a custom menu of sensations. 20. Distinct. Pleasure. Modes. It’s like having a dedicated PA who’s only job is to ensure you leave with a massive grin on your face – and a need for new panties.
Now I need to talk about clitoral stimulation. From a history of ex partners who didn’t know where the clitoris was, to ones who poked it heavy handedly like an elevator button that won’t work, I’d been a little scared of engaging my little friend. But the Cherish has a unique, pulsing clitoral pearl. It doesn’t just rattle against you which is good. I find that always makes me feel a little numb. Instead it pulses gently while the internal arm is thrusting rhythmically. I do like to lube up the pearl first so it slides nicely, and it’s always more fun when slippery.
The dual action of the arm and pearl sent me to staggering new heights and I’m not fibbing! The 5.7 inches of insertable length is shaped to specifically hit those G spots, the very ones that many toys often miss.
It’s splashproof, and it charges via USB so you don’t have to scramble through drawers hunting for those AA’s like it’s 1999.
Just do it. Get it. Now. Go. Bet you won’t call me a liar. This new friend of mine is one I’ll happily share. It’s sophisticated, powerful, and deeply, moan-inducingly wonderful.
Read more: I had a BBQ and 7 out of 8 men there couldn’t find the clitoris.
The We-Vibe Melt 2. It sucks. Literally!
If you haven’t tried a “sucking” toy yet, get with the program! The We-Vibe Melt 2 isn’t your standard toy, it uses Pleasure Air technology – pulsing air to mimic a rhythmic, suction like sensation instead of just rattling against your bits. It’s like the best oral sex you’ve ever had, but it never gets a tired jaw and it’s certainly not selfish. Instead, it cups your clitoris dreamily with soft silicone.
When I started exploring with the Melt, I noticed the build-up was much more intense than a standard vibrator. And this doesn’t numb the area – it builds the blood flow until you’re basically seeing stars.
Honestly, it was a bit “too much” for me. I came almost immediately, and I’m the kind of person who likes to take my time.
What I did love is that it’s app controlled. Now, while I used this on my lonesome, this product is a brilliant bridge if you do want to involve a partner. Hubby and I are still intimate, I’m just at that stage of life where I’m allowing myself to be a little selfish! I’ve earned it! And you know, hormones.
You can hand over the controls to someone else – even if they’re in a different post code – and let them drive. It’s also slim, ergonomic and can nestle perfectly between bodies so it can stimulate your clitoris while he’s inside you.
I did love the Smart Silence tech. Nothing like the sound of a buzzing chainsaw to give away a personal game of pleasure! It’s whisper-quiet and discreet.
It has 12 intensity levels and 6 unique air pulse patterns for your personal pleasure. Some may say more customisation than a Bondi Brunch. And I ask if that’s a bad thing!
My personal pleasure enhancer: Wild Secrets Sensual Arousal Gel
Let’s talk about the engine oil of the bedroom. As we get a bit older, or even just when we’re stressed, our bodies don’t always get the memo that it’s time to get juicy. Certainly, for some of us in the menopausal time of life. That’s where the Wild Secrets Sensual Arousal Gel is a gift from the gods. This isn’t a standard pharmacy/Woollies shelf lube. It’s a performance enhancer.
I’ve tried tingling gels before that felt like I’d sat in a bowl of Colgate – which is not cute. This is different. It’s designed to increase blood flow to the area, making everything feel more sensitive and responsive. I’d go as far as to say it had every one of my nerve endings wide awake and screaming for attention. It was just a shame I let two weeks go past before I paired it with Bestie Cherish!
The arousal gel contains soothing aloe leaf juice and menthol and peppermint oil for a subtle tingle. A tiny pea-sized drop is all I use and within about a minute, I start to feel a warm, buzzing, very pleasurable sensation. It’s subtle at first, but then everything is magnified. Using this in combination with the Cherish was like adding nitro to a sports car (or so I imagine).
The personal pleasure story: AKA Why you need to go solo
I’ve realised that exploring personal pleasure isn’t just about the climax, it’s about the ritual. My routine usually starts with time alone (thank you school for taking the kids for a bit), a warm shower, cool clean sheets and a little dab of the arousal gel.
Then, I’ll start with the Cherish on a lower setting. I use it to warm up the whole area, moving it around rather than just parking it in one spot. Once I’m feeling ready to take it up a notch, I have actually brought in the Melt 2 for the finishing move. The combination of the gel’s warmth and the dual-action air pulses is almost spiritual. Never thought I’d use multiple tools on myself but WOW.
I thoroughly encourage you to experiment. If like me, clitoral stimulation is a little much, save it for the end!
Importantly, try not to rush. We spend our whole lives rushing for kids, for work, and for our partners. Personal pleasure is the one time in your day where the only clock that matters is your own internal rhythm.
I know some friends who feel a bit guilty about spending money on sex toys but here’s the truth: exploring personal pleasure is a form of self-care and healthcare. It reduces stress, improves sleep, and keeps us healthy and happy during the hormonal shifts of our 40s and 50s. My husband invests in golf clubs. I invest in my own tools!
Read more: Is sex really good for your mental health?
Your satisfaction is a priority. You’re not just a mum, a wife, or an employee, you’re a sexual being with needs. And really, what’s not to love about a toy that doesn’t talk back or leave dirty clothes on the floor.
Final thoughts
If you’re just starting out with exploring personal pleasure and you’re on a budget, start with the Arousal Gel. It will transform the toys you already have. It’s the easiest way to “level up” without a huge investment.
If you really want to treat yourself, trust me honey, I reckon you should go for the trifecta!
Promise me you’ll take the time to learn and spoil your own body again. It’s time we came first, literally!
